Desire...

Much has changed since my last post. I few days ago I got back from Monterrey Mexico where I went on my first Missions trip. I could spend the next several days trying to explain how it went, but I wouldn't do it much justice. All I can say is, for me it was life changing and it is something I believe everyone should experience.

One of the nice things about it is that each morning you had time to have some quiet time with God and journal. The campus was set in this mountain range that was truly breath taking and it was so nice waking up early going out with a cup of coffee and watching the sun hit the mountains. That is just one of the many things I miss.

Well in those quiet times I heard God and He wasted no time telling what He wanted from me on that trip and with the rest of my life. It was the first morning I was journaling and there was a lot going on in my personal life where I have been seeing God move with His grace and mercy on my life. Anyway that first morning I was writing about how people could see the beauty of Creation and somehow say it was a coincidence and not see God. I find that ironic myself.

It was in that moment that God said to me "I have given you the desires of your heart, now desire the things of Mine". Ouch! That hit me to the core. I knew instantly what that meant for me and it immediately turned into a prayer and is something that could be my life's prayer.

If your like me then the first thing you ask is, what are God's desires? Well I could write a ton of doctrine here, but instead I'll just go with two simple things Jesus Himself said "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and should and love your neighbor as yourself". Sounds pretty easy doesn't it...

The ironic thing (I love Irony by the way) is that the only way to love God with everything I have is with the help of God. Oh and by the way the only way to love your neighbor as yourself... Yep you got it... Is with the help of God... It all starts and ends with God.

So as I reflected on the desires of God's heart I thought "maybe this isn't from God" (I know this was the voice of the enemy). Well God is pretty dedicated to letting people know what He wants if we are searching His heart. So what does God do? Well over the course of the week He not only continues to push this to me in my quiet time, but this idea of desire kept coming up. It came up in our discussions when we met as a small group and during worship.

Desire... Desire... Desire... What do you desire? Not want, but desire?

I have desired a paid Ministry role with a dream of being officially a Pastor. A side note here is that is was never my desire or my dream, it was a desire God put in my some 7 or 8 years ago that I fought for several years before I decided to pursue it. Well this past Sunday I took a huge step in that direction by accepting a position that will make my desire, my dream from God a reality. On August 25Th I will have a paid Ministry role that could influence people for the Kingdom and by the end of the year... I could be a licensed Pastor.

I am still adjusting to this idea of becoming a Pastor, some of which is because of my perception of what I have always thought a Pastor was. The bulk of the adjusting is because when God said to me in Mexico "I have given you your hearts desires, now desire the things of Mine" I knew He had given me my hearts desires. I'm not saying I have gotten everything I have wanted in my life, I'm saying God has been very generous to me and my family in giving me my desires...

So may you have your desires met by God and may you desire the things of God.

Until we pursue God with all our heart/mind/soul I'd argue God won't trust us with all our desires. To pursue doesn't mean to have it all worked out as much as it means to seek, look and search....

When God???

Have you ever felt like you were created to do "something"? Have you ever felt like that "something" is going to happen? Have you ever felt like this “something” will be so life giving you couldn’t wait to do it? Have you ever felt like God is telling you to wait? Have you ever felt like during this waiting God was asking you how bad you wanted it? Have you ever felt like God was telling you to go get, go ask, show and argue for what He wants to give you during this waiting?

Well that is me… That is exactly where I find myself. Right in the middle of all those questions I have my answers and more questions… This is where my struggle is. This is where I spend most of my thoughts right now, around all these questions, answers and more questions…

I am struggling with being patient and confident in what I feel like God has created me to do and be. I am apart of something so life giving, it is honestly much more than I ever thought it would be and I feel like eventually it will turn into my career. I know my heart is in this place and my desires are for the future of this place and I am certain I want to follow the leader of this place…BUT… I don’t know if I will be at this place.

I find myself doing a job that pays pretty well, I don’t hate it… BUT I’m not getting energy from it, it isn’t life giving… It is a blessing, it is a great job, I am pretty good at it, but it isn’t what I want to do… It isn’t what I’m designed to do, it isn’t what excites me, it isn’t utilizing the gifts that God has given me…

Isn’t it funny how we can get an answer to prayer, which this job is, but then get to the point where you forget the praise you gave God for it… This is what I am doing… I’m complaining that I don’t have the next step yet, the next phase of my journey and in doing so I have forgotten the gift that is my current job.

So I don’t know what to do… I have this dream that God has given me and I know it is God because it is nothing that I would have ever thought I would want or think I could do, but here I am… Wanting and Thinking…

God I pray that I don’t loose sight of You! That I don’t become a complainer and not continue to praise you for the gift of my current job, where you opened up a opportunity to leave one career path and to put me in a position to do more for Your Kingdom. God I pray that I don’t have to wait too much longer to do what I feel like you have created me to be… Amen!

Cocky...

So I have heard this reoccurring message over the past few weeks... It's this idea of being cocky. Now this isn't about me being cocky but this certain person who has been called or has been implied that he/she is cocky. So the question is... Is it OK to be cocky?

I personally don't think there is room to be cocky in the Kingdom of God. I personally don't think it is a characteristic of Christ so why would it be OK for someone to be cocky. I believe that cockiness comes from pride and the Bible doesn't speak highly of pride.

What happens when you have someone justify why someone is cocky? What if this person that is doing the justification isn't the person that has been labeled cocky? What if this justification is because of something he/she does or has done for a living?

I have been sitting on this and wondering how to confront this individual. I had an opportunity once and I let it pass, but God will not let me walk away from this so I am praying that God present me with another opportunity...

Well as irony would have it I have been reading a book called "Uprising" by Erwin McManus. Well the opening chapters talks about us becoming people of courage, integrity, honor, action, etc... Erwin explains that all of this starts with humility. Humility... Humility... Humility...

I have never met a humble cocky person. Have you? I have never met someone so prideful that they were humble... The words jumped off the page as I read them for several reasons, first and foremost because it talks about integrity which is how I try to live my life. Integrity is well defined in this book and has given me a fresh view of what I need to do as a man of God. However the words also jumped off the page in light of these past few weeks...

I feel like shouting that you have no right to be and/or act cocky. I don't care if your the President of the United States you have no right to be cocky. (Side note... Don't confuse confidence with cocky) As a matter of fact this book I am reading talks about power and our use of it, I'll explain the idea like this... How did Jesus with the power of God use it? Was Jesus ever cocky? EVER? NO!!!

I am so emotional about this for some reason. I feel like people miss the point, people often get so caught up in themselves that they miss the reason God created them. People get blessed by God with talent and they often think it is all them... I understand a lot of my feelings are just me, but I also know that it is also because being cocky is against the character of God. It is really the opposite of God's character. If being humble is how we gain courage, honor, integrity, etc. then what is it we gain by being cocky?

God I pray that you open up an opportunity to talk about this in a way that builds You up. I pray that You continue to have me wrestle with the things that are against your character, I pray that I become more and more humble so that I can become more and more like You. After all I am a disciple of Jesus and if that is true I must continue to allow myself to be transformed by You, so that I can become like You.... Amen.

Molding...

So I have two beautiful little girls that are my life. I don't always live it that way, but they are. I can be having the worst day and they have this ability to come along and make me smile, to give me this feeling that whatever I am upset about doesn't matter. They bring me so much joy and I often find myself wondering how much longer this will last, how much longer will they have this ability to do this. Most importantly I wonder how much longer they will want to do this and when will the influence I have now with them start to slip away...

I used the word molding as the title, but it is really about moulding... My kids have and continue to mould the way I approach life and people. I try to carefully chose my words when they are around and/or when I am talking to them. Interesting I only make it a point to do it with them and not with everyone... (That is another blog).

Well tonight was a challenging parenting night. Like most nights we have too much going on so we find ourselves doing homework for the 6 year old at oh say 8:00ish... Not the best we are both tired, not to mention the 4 year old is wanting my attention as well.

Anyway the subject is math, my favorite subject... Well my 6 year old struggles with math and is easily frustrated and doesn't really show that with words, but more with body parts flailing around, tears and whining. None of which fit my personality ;o)

As I try to explain the questions or problems to her she just starts saying numbers hoping to guess the right one so I will say yes and move on. Well... I'm not wired that way. I'd rather her go to school with a blank paper and have to explain to her teacher why it isn't finished, so I say we are done here and pack up the homework... Well my 6 year old doesn't like that idea, she says "My teacher will yell at me"... (I find that a bit concerning, but anyway). Anyway, after I explain I to her I will not give her the answers, but I will be happy to help if she was willing to try...

OK what does this have to do with moulding? Well after about 20 minutes of my 6 year old crying, I sat next to her and talked to her and started to explain my frustration. I felt like God was telling me to tell her that I don't always know all the answers, that I have and will make mistakes, etc. I know parents can sometimes seem like they have all the answers, but I wanted my kids to know I don't and I do make mistakes. Now they are 4 and 6, so who knows what that means to them. However I can already see them both looking for my approval and I am defining what that looks like to them...

So I decided to make this a teaching moment... I told them "I don't care what kind of grades you get (Yeah stay with me), I don't care how good at Soccer you are, or if your not the best dancer, swimmer or whatever... I care about you doing the best you can at everything you do". So we talked about some of the things they do and I kept asking what do you do... "The best we can"... "the best we can"... I just kept repeating it.... Over and over and over...

I said you know I will be able to tell when it isn't your best don't you, I know when your not telling the truth don't I? They both said yes... I felt good about that moment and I pray this is something I can keep out in front of them, because that is really all I can ask... "The best they can"...

It wasn't until I started to reflect that I felt like God was saying the same to me... Andy all I ask is the best you can at everything you do... WOW!!! That hits home, because I don't... I don't do the best I can all the time, I often go through the motions...

So my question is... Do you mould your kids or do your kids mould you? My answer is; if your a good parent I think it's both...

God continue to mould me to be the man you made me to be, continue to provide me with the joy of my kids and in case I haven't said it in a while... Thanks for blessing me with them... Amen.

No Bull...

So I have been having this conversation with a group of people about this idea of "No Bull". No Bull is really this idea of being authentic and/or real... Sounds like something that would be really easy to define what that means, but it isn't. I mean think about it, how would you define it? What does it mean to be real? Can you be real with people? Are you real with yourself? Can you be real to other people without being real with yourself?

Well as this group of people discussed this idea the topic changed from being real to how much junk we would share with the group and/or how many intimate relationships we have had where we could share our junk with... I reacted pretty poorly to this line of thinking, but I thought it was important to challenge people. I have been challenged personally to be real so I said "I would argue that we all have done, said, thought or have had something done to us that we have never told anybody" and that is being real...

I did have several people say they share everything with their spouse and feel like there isn't anything they couldn't share... To which I replied "You misunderstood the point, I never said I haven't had or don't have a relationship where I could share anything, I am saying we haven't shared everything". I don't think anyone ever grasped the concept... Here follow me for a moment...

I will argue that we all have skeletons in our closet that people don't know about, things we have never told anyone about. Even if you say they no longer affect you or they were so long ago that it is no relevant you have something and that my friend is the point. You didn't tell anyone when it was relevant nor have you told anyone now and if I give you the benefit of the doubt and it no longer is relevant then why haven't you told anyone now? What is there to hide? I mean really if it was so long ago why not share it? You know why.... Because of fear!

What does this have to do with being real you say? (If your not saying it I am for you) Not much really... Only that I feel like I stepped out and was real and found people shy away from it. I honestly feel like we had an opportunity to say "yes that is true". I would love to know what people thought it was that I had done, said or had done to me... IRONY (I love Irony) is that I am sure their minds were racing and made for some good conversation on the way home, so the irony is they weren't real with me... They will question what those things are or were and I am betting only a select few call me on it and ask what it is or was... That is our irony... Who will be real?

Back to what does skeletons have to do with being real? Big picture not much... I don't think spilling your guts to everyone is a true definition of real. I haven't looked up the meaning in Webster, but I believe I can be "real" with everyone and never tell them one thing about my personal life. Let that sink for a moment... NOTHING and still be real...

Real does not = intimacy! Real as I would define it is; Being who you are, not posing or showing this false person, it's being honest with people about how your feeling, what your thinking and being honest (real) enough to realize you don't have it all figured out. That is how I would define real... Has very little to do with what may have happened way back when... It is by being "real" that you gain intimacy, which leads to deep developed relationships.

I think this discussion was good. I believe it shifted the group a bit, I believe it put things on the radar of people. However, I would argue we (me included) weren't real either... There are things that need to be said, but weren't because honestly speaking there is a time and place to say those things to those people and that wasn't the time or the place.

I took a step in this discussion and my challenge to everyone was to first be real with ourselves. We have to be real enough with ourselves so that we have some self awareness. We are fallen people so we will mess this up from time to time, but we have to start with ourselves...

Again I believe this discussion was a positive step and I am praying the affects will strengthen this group of people, but only time will tell...

So in closing I'll ask the question again... How do you define real?

God I pray that I can be the man you have created, that I can look in the mirror and say "No Bull"... Carry yourself that way... Be Real!!!! God help me with that... Amen....

Pain...

Some people can deal with pain better than others. Some people can stub their toe and crawl around on the ground for a minute and be OK, yet others can do the samething and act like the world is coming to an end...

Personally I deal with some pain OK and other pain like a baby. I really can't make any sense as to which pain I will be OK with and which pain I will be a baby with. Now my wife might be one of the weakest humans ever... Really I mean if she tries to squees your hand or something it is a joke. I am amazed that a grown woman is really that weak. Honestly...

But my wife is one of the strongest people I have ever met.... I know, I know it doesn't make sense... Well my wife handles pain like nobody I have ever seen. She is a trooper.... If she is sick she keeps on trucking, if her back hurts she barely slows down, giving birth, you name it and she plows through...

Well I am experiencing pain now! This type of pain could cripple you... It could take over your whole person, it could destroy you if you allowed it...

I have a dear friend that is going through a period in his life that is serious. His health is in question and the doctors have rulled nothing out! Cancer!!!! Maybe and looks like yes. It looks like the questions aren't if, but how much...

This pain I feel I am sure isn't anything like my friends. I am sure this friend of mine has pain that runs much deeper than I can imagine. This friend of mine has a wife and four kids, the youngest is 1... Yes 1!!!!!!

My heart is broken... I have had my heart broken before from my first love, other women, sports, hopes crushed, dreams crushed, lose of a loved one, etc... I can honestly say for whatever reason... This one hurts! This one hurts! This one hurts! I can't put into words how it hurts....

I haven't felt pain like this in some time, I could question if I ever have... I don't know? I know that my heart is broken and I know that my love for my friend is more than I knew... I know I find myself questioning the Creature of everything....

I question why him? Why now? What about his wife? What about his kids? What about his house? What about... What about... What about...

My heart is screaming WHY!!!! I don't need to understand honestly... I want to understand, but I don't need too...

I feel closer to God than I have been in a bit... I find myself thinking of my friend and God more than I have in a while... I find myself begging and pleading with God to restore my friend, because this friend is a special Man. This man is gifted and he just doesn't know how gifted he is. This man is a man after God's heart...

God I will be pleading with You as I walk along side of my friend. I will be crying and questioning during this walk. I will be beging You, shouting at You and praising You during this walk. God my prayers are for your glory and I pray that the glory is my friend restored here and now.... Amen.

Blind Spots...

I have been driving for some 16 years now (Wow I am getting old) and I still remember drivers education. Do you? I remember them showing movies about car wrecks to try to scare you into wearing your seat belt and they story a cop told about a drunk driver killing a family on a early Sunday morning. He showed pictures of the family and the street where it happened and then he said it could happen to anyone, because that family was my family. I remember the shock I felt.

I bring this up because they also talk a lot about your blind spots. They pound in your head this idea of always checking your mirrors and glancing over your shoulder before you switch lanes to check your blind spots.

Blind spots are areas you can't see, hence the "blind" part of the title. Oh by the way... I wear my seat belt... Anyway they are called "blind" for that very reason, because we can't see them.

The best part about this is it applies to all areas of our life. I mean everywhere! At work you have blind spots, these areas you aren't any good at, or areas you think you do well but the reality is your not. You don't notice or see it because it is a blind spot.

In your relationships as well. You most likely have blind spots that could be anything from an annoying habit, a certain look you always give, a way you react to people, the language you use, etc. We all have blind spots in our personalities. Yes all of us!

We all have areas that we need to grow in, areas that others can see in but we can't. Again "Blind Spots". Well the Bible tells this story about a man who has been blind his whole life and Jesus comes along and heals him, now the people who have known this man to be blind his whole life start asking him questions and some doubt and the man says "Once I was Blind, but now I can see". I use to think this was just physically and spiritually. I mean he physically was blind, but now he can see and spiritually he was blind to the Love of Christ, but now he can see. But I have been thinking about this a lot and I no longer think that.

I now think this applies to our lives much more than we think. I mean think of all the blind spots you have had that you no longer have. I know for me I use to say A or um when I would give a speech or talk in front of people and it wasn't until someone pointed it out, because I couldn't see it, was I able to start recognizing it and shed light to that issue. That was an area that I can say "once I was blind, but now I can see". Another Blind Spot use to be eye contact. I would never make eye contact with someone I would meet for the first time and once that was pointed out to me it no longer was a blind spot.

What about you? Can you recognize where your Blind Spots are? Do you have someone in your life that can point them out in a constructive way? Is there someone who can bring light in those areas and walk with you as you learn to see? I believe we will have blind spots because we aren't perfect, if we ever get to the point where we find ourselves saying "I can see fine" then we are in trouble. We need to people in our lives that can help us with our Blind Spots.

Once I was blind, but now I can see.... Once I was blind to____, but now I can see.... Fill in the blank.... Over and over... Once I was blind, but now I can see....

May you come to find your blind spots, may you find people in your life that can usher in light so that we can continually be transformed into the image of Christ. If you need to start with the Spiritual aspect of Jesus as your savior than may you find the door that Christ is knocking at so that He can give you sight to see how much He loves you... Amen.