Right Key, Wrong Door...

I seem to be coming to the same doors... I feel as if it is the door God has put in front of me, yet the key that I have never unlocks the door. I find it frustrating.

I feel this undeniable call on my life, but everytime my key isn't the correct one for the door that is in front of me. It is getting harder to find God in these moments. It is getting harder to trust that the call I feel is real. I am finding myself saying maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm missing it.

Have you ever felt that you should do something and it turned out wrong? I know I have and what if this is one of those times... I guess it's hard to see what God has in store for me sometimes because HIS timing is perfect and I have my own personal timing.

This time I knocked on the door and felt stronger than ever that I had the correct key. I felt as if everyone was there with me waiting to see what was on the other side, everyone was just as excited as I was. In all of our excitement there came another person who calmly walked up through all of my friends and just when I was going to put my key in he went calmly up to the door and opened it walked in and shut the door behind him. I was left standing there.

I can see the door shut and I just stand there numb. I find myself embarrassed for some reason, I'm not surprised just embarrassed. I hear Satan whisper in my ear "I told you that you weren't good enough". But for the first time I knew it was the enemy.... That in it's self is a huge victory for my faith.... I know in my heart that God made the correct choice, I know that HE knows better than I. That I need to push in and trust HIM more. I know that I want what HE wants. I know that I need to keep knocking. I know this is HIS dream for me because this is the person HE is creating. I have died and HE is making me new, HE has made changes in me that can only come from HIM.

As I was feeling sorry for myself, which is exactly what the enemy wanted, I heard God say to me "what are you doing here". This is what God said to Elijah when he was hiding. So here I am disappointed in decision that I was hopeful to hear and didn't. Here I was starting to feel negative about my self, only thinking about all I couldn't be and I hear MY SAVIOR say "what are you doing here?"

It makes me wonder sometimes how often God wants to ask me that question, but I'm not in a place to hear HIM.

God thank you for giving me ears to hear you. I truly only want what you want, even when it hurts. I trust you and will do everything I can to pursue you because I know that when I do I can't go wrong.... Amen.

Listen...

I just got back from a wonderful vacation in Myrtle Beach. I wanted to get up early and spend some time with God, the good news is I did get up early... The bad news is so did the kid's. I was able to get some God time in on one day.

But it was on the way down driving that I felt God speaking to me. He was putting something on my heart that hasn't been there before... I have always had passion for the people who do not know how much THERE Creator loves them. But God was breaking my heart for these people as I drove, I felt as if God was yelling at me to help. I felt like he was saying this is what I want for you, this is MY dream for you. I can't explain the feeling, it was both electric and fearful. I was excited and had this feeling of nervousness. I wanted to scream out "I'm all in" at the same time I wanted to ask what cards HE was holding...

I haven't heard his voice that clear in awhile. I have felt for the last three years or so that I was being called into Ministry and maybe this is where I get to start to act on this. I have felt and know that it is just a matter of time before I get to do this. I can't wait....

That is my God Dream! To do HIS work for a living everyday... I can't imagine what that would feel like to get up everyday and make a difference for God for a living, what an honor that would be. I know it will be messy because it will involve people, I know it will be hard, I know it will stretch me in ways I can't imagine, I know that it will be hard on my family, I know that God will be with me and that HE will honor those things and that my family and I will have a better relationship with each other and HIM because of it.

God I am praying that the door I'm knocking on now, today will be opened. I do not want you to open it however for my selfish reasons, only open it if it is where I am to be. Open it for your Glory and not mine. If it is not meant to be, I'll be hurt but I will keep knocking, I must. You have told me to.....Amen,