What about God?

What about God? I've often wondered why God has left me with the suffering I have endured. Even now in the moments I feel that God is with me I wonder why things don't go as smoothly as I would hope that they would. What is it about our selfishness that we couldn't let go of whatever it is we are holding on to.

What is it that you are holding on to? Is it pride? Is it feeling as if it is owed to you, like me. I have lived my whole life as if it was owed to me. I guess growing up as the youngest I just expected it and most of the time it happened. Unfortunately for me it carried into my professional career. I have now come to realize that I do not want what the world gives me I only want what God is ready to give me. I know that this sound familiar to what I have said in the past, but I do not want anything unless it is what God is ready to give to me.

God I want what you want... Still. Help me in the areas where I do not match up with your will. Amen.